The last month of the year has begun. Like every year, we begin with pomp and splendour. Parties and get togethers. Resolutions and promises. Aims and Goals.
*And then the year happens.*
Not always according to plan.Ha. Never according to plan.
People die, dreams shatter, and goals remain unfulfilled.Success turns into failure, loved ones hardly call.
Often the year turns out to be really different from what we hoped;Prayed,Wanted.
And then there comes December. and it makes me realise. All the things I could have said; all the people I should have met. All the smiles I could have been the reason for.
And it also makes me realise, the grief I caused. The tears, the pain, the hopelessness, not to others but, mostly to myself.
As December arrives, covered in his blanket of mist, with his pale palour, dead eyes and cold hands. He tries to embrace me, and usually I run away. Hide. Be in denial.Crawl under covers and wait for him to go away.
But not this time.
This time I hug December back. To his utter surprise!
Till his twigs and trees can feel my embrace, till his cold heart and snows, can feel my warmth.
Because now I know… its okay to have unfinished tasks, and broken dreams and grief. And resolutions that are made for the sake of making, never ever being followed.
Because it is fine to give up exercise and cheat with your beloved Nutella. Or to watch re runs of Sherlock right before your exam, just to ease the tension ofcourse! Or to cry because Mofatt has ruied your life..both for bad and good reasons;
because of old and new seasons. It is fine to postpone assignments to read your “current” favourite book.It is okay to be on Tumblr when you should be on Jstor.
It is all fine. Breathe. Relax. They are all signs that you lived, so what if you fell.Once or even Twice or even mutiple times. But you managed to get through the year.
So I sum up courage,and invite December over, for a cup of our favourite tea. We sit and chat. Hours roll by. Remembering all those other Decembers that we have been together..and the ones we may now have. And we Thank God for all he has given us and taken from us. Making us what we are.And for all his Love,care and blessings.
And as December rises to leave, he looks different. He has some colour in his cheeks, and tears in his eyes.His hands are warmer as he bids me adieu.
December feels proud of the girl he sees. Because this December has seen this little girl from truly believing in Santa, making elaborate plans on visiting Santa, sabotaging his plans,rigging his sleigh, or bribing Rudolf. And when she knew the truth, she continued spreading the magic by turning into Santa for little children,sparking their imagination, filling their hearts with hope.
December has seen her miss her Grandma every New Years Eve..hoping to see her face just once. Has seen her tirelessly study for exams, or painfully get over ruthless heartbreaks. December has seen her care for loved ones as much as she can. Because the cold is here to bite.
December has seen her grow, evolve, change, mature.
December has seen her walk, when she would prefer to crawl,seen her stumble, seen her fall.
He has seen her sneak out,late at night,to count the stars, December has seen stars in her eyes when she cried.
Because, she decided this time, after 20 years,to be with December. But Decembers have always always been with her.
(To the person who read till the end, may Decembers be kind to you, Happy December!)
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