All my life I have felt detached, almost weightless ( Ironical as it was my “weight” which made me the prime target of bullies and abuse).
My family kept moving around. Every other year was a new classroom, a new locality, new town, new city, new state…but despite all efforts the same old me. Nor did the nature of my bullies change, just their names and ages did.
Adults fail to realise the “established social order” that exists in the classroom. Hence no one really understood my utter despair. It was difficult fitting in, even more difficult was leaving an arrangement of comfort.
“Do you ever feel like a plastic bag, flowing through the wind, wanting to start again.”
Katy Perry seems to have dedicated these lines to me.
It is difficult to crave roots when one is constantly uprooted. The solace I found in words and pages was heaven. Ink and yellowing paper was my paradise. But as I have grown up, books in themselves don’t seem to provide that assurance.
All my childhood I was treated as The Adipose monster. The deteriorating condition of my mind and my negative self esteem led to a serious lack of friends. I always felt different, alien, and thus aloof.Nowhere could I find the kind of people who understood me. (Bear in mind I wasn’t diagnosed so I attributed my melancholy as a normal thing-as for me it was a normal standard )
All I needed was someone, someplace, somewhere I could belong to.
I have only spent the last 4 months blogging despite having made a blog more than a year ago.I may not actively go and socialise with fellow bloggers, but your words give me strength. I don’t feel lonely, because someone somewhere out there is also feeling the same way.
Depression and all other mental illnesses are seldom talked about in media. Are always looked down upon in society. And are criticised. The sufferers are never understood. But the blogging community here has given me a home. A sense of understanding and comfort. I have made friends here who understand me more than anyone ever has, and also give me constructive advice based on their experiences.
I had never imagined that I would be able to muster the guts to write about what I feel. Moreover the fact that so many people would agree to, sometimes derive inspiration and appreciate my thought process was beyond my sense of comprehension.
This post is thus to say a thankyou and express my gratitude towards all the people who continue to show such courage in revealing their struggles and secrets. Also for the lovely people who take out the time to read my ramblings and give me a piece of their mind.
I am in debt of your presence in my life. You have given me a sense of belonging, given me a place where I think I can belong.
And I am ever so greateful. . .
Keep writing, keep fighting, keep reading! :’)