Somewhere I belong

All my life I have felt detached, almost weightless ( Ironical as it was my “weight” which made me the prime target of bullies and abuse).

My family kept moving around. Every other year was a new classroom, a new locality, new town, new city, new state…but despite all efforts the same old me. Nor did the nature of my bullies change, just their names and ages did.

Adults fail to realise the “established social order” that exists in the classroom. Hence no one really understood my utter despair. It was difficult fitting in, even more difficult was leaving an arrangement of comfort.

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Do you ever feel like a plastic bag, flowing through the wind, wanting to start again.” 
Katy Perry seems to have dedicated these lines to me.

It is difficult to crave roots when one is constantly uprooted. The solace I found in words and pages was heaven. Ink and yellowing paper was my paradise. But as I have grown up, books in themselves don’t seem to provide that assurance.

All my childhood I was treated as The Adipose monster. The deteriorating condition of my mind and my negative self esteem led to a serious lack of friends. I always felt different, alien, and thus aloof.Nowhere could I find the kind of people who understood me. (Bear in mind I wasn’t diagnosed so I attributed my melancholy as a normal thing-as for me it was a normal standard )

All I needed was someone, someplace, somewhere I could belong to.

I have only spent the last 4 months  blogging despite having made a blog more than a year ago.I may not actively go and socialise with fellow bloggers, but your words give me strength. I don’t feel lonely, because someone somewhere out there is also feeling the same way.

Depression and all other mental illnesses are seldom talked about in media. Are always looked down upon in society. And are criticised. The sufferers are never understood. But the blogging community here has given me a home. A sense of understanding and comfort. I have made friends here who understand me more than anyone ever has, and also give me constructive advice based on their experiences.
I had never imagined that I would be able to muster the guts to write about what I feel. Moreover the fact that so many people would agree to, sometimes derive inspiration and appreciate my thought process was beyond my sense of comprehension.

This post is thus to say a thankyou and express my gratitude towards all the people who continue to show such courage in revealing their struggles and secrets. Also for the lovely people who take out the time to read my ramblings and give me a piece of their mind.
I am in debt of your presence in my life. You have given me a sense of belonging, given me a place where I think I can belong.
And I am ever so greateful. . .

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Keep writing, keep fighting, keep reading! :’)

– Fictionatrix

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36 thoughts on “Somewhere I belong

  1. You could be talking about me in this post, my own experience has been so similar. Know without a doubt that you are not alone. I’ll be happy to read your ramblings. I like to ramble, too.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Also, I have dealt with mental illness for most of my life. I was diagnosed in 2000. For a long time, it had kept me from living my life. A lot of people just don’t get it. Feel free to follow me.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I used to be ashamed of it. I also have a physical disease that comes with a stigma. Not ashamed anymore. If what I’ve learned in my journey can help somebody else, then I have done well.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. It is indeed our true experiences that can inspire others. I have for a long time been ashamed myself, but I have learned to come to terms with it. I wish you all the very best. Yes you have done well, I hope you continue inspiring others!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. We must love and accept ourselves first, and let ourselves grow. We can make such an impact that way, and leave this world a better place than how we found it. All the best to you as well. Stay courageous and strong!

        Liked by 3 people

    2. Thankyou so much! It is the support of amazing bloggers like you that keep me going. You are an angel to say so! :’)
      I like to think that we are all in the same book dealing with similar evils.
      I would love to as well.Rambling is often a great release. Take Care!

      Liked by 2 people

  2. At times you just have to open your frame to be able to see your friends and well wishers. I know it’s difficult especially with the vested interests of people, but you have to keep trying and not lose faith and hope.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I’m so happy that this is a place you feel comfortable. I empathize with how you feel, since I don’t have very many problems socially, Luckly because my school is a decent place for me. Sometimes I do feel different because of my weight but I have some friends who always help me through it. Just know I am here for you, even though we don’t personally know each other. ❀ Stay strong and if you ever have anything you need to talk about, I’m here. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

  4. A lovely post and so true. I know a lot of what you’re talking about. It’s amazing what a difference it can make just knowing there are other people out there who understand πŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I completely understand. While I didn’t move around I was tortured by cruelty as the fat kid all through school. It tears you down until you believe that’s all you are and all anyone will ever see. So ramble on and I will continue to ramble on with you. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree. It is like a label which one cannot remove. I am glad that you understand what I went through, and it upsets me too, as I know how horrible it feels. Take care. Let our ramblings make us shine! πŸ˜€

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I know how it feels when you pen down what you’ve gone through or even used the slighest of it to make a blog out of it. It takes so much of courage to do so and at the same time it is sweetly surprising that some thoughts of yours resonate with others and how people actually read your whole post.
    More power to you. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Hey who doesn’t have problems, we are humans, well the forms of problems for each and everyone would be different but I believe that the intensity will be the same. I have faced with the same problems in my childhood too “lack of friends” but I have successfully achieved it. Actually in my view you have also achieved it, you are such a good writer. And have more and more likes and may have many follows too.😜😜 I don’t think people follow monsters, so you are not a monster….
    Haaa pretty long comment, probably essay…πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚take it if atleast one word is useful…
    Good luck…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes everybody does have problems. My problem is that I suffer from depression- (you are new here so you won’t know) I always have and that has led to more issues in my life.
      It is very kind of you to say so, I try to express myself as honestly as possible. As for the likes and follows it is the readers who share their love. I am not a fan of numbers so I dont keep track of how many.
      My self perception is coloured due to my mental condition, my bullies thought I was a monster, and I began believing in them.

      I don’t mind long comments- it shows that my words catalysed a long response- and as a writer that is rewarding. πŸ˜€

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hey I am new? You mean to blogging?
        Oh alright, hey but we should not even listen to what everyone says, but you have “believed” to what they said?
        Hey I may be younger to tell this, but happiness and depression comes when we call them😜😜 and I believe the number to call depression is “NOT BEING HAPPY AND NOT BELIEVING IN WHAT WE DO AND WHAT WE ARE”.So don’t be depressed and don’t call yourself that you SUFFER from depression, that’s not a great achievement 😜😜don’t mind. We are what we call ourself I believe that and I experienced that…… You may like or dislike my comment but my intention is positive.
        Here we go your favourite long commentπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
        Good luck…😊😊

        Liked by 1 person

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