No one ever noticed. . .

(A small trigger alert, there is nothing very gruesome or ghory, just a personal recollection. But if you are easily moved or triggered I would suggest you to skip this. Take care. )

No one ever noticed
That she was quiet
Not because she was shy.
But because her words got choked in her throat.
Because she was imprisoned within the bars of her own incompetence.
Which no one ever noticed, but her.

No one ever noticed.
That the girl who wanted to paint the world with her colours.
No longer held a paintbrush.
That it had been 2 years since she had touched a canvas.
Not because she was busy with studies.
But because all she would paint was dark and agonising and it scared her that someone may find out.
But no one ever noticed.

image

No one ever noticed.
Not even the parents.
That the happy child they had brought to this world was not happy.
Not because she had nothing to be happy about.
They gave her everything they could, and she was gratefull beyond measure.
But because her mind never let her feel worthy enough of deserving such happiness.
But no one ever noticed.

No one ever noticed.
How her weight rose and her esteem fell.
How her anxiety rose and her grades fell.
How the one who aced exams was barely making it through.
How the one who loved to read had shelves filled with dusty books.
How her favourite pass times had become a part of the passed times.
But no one ever noticed.

No one ever noticed.
Not even her friends.
How she would quietly enter a room and exit.
Even her breathing didn’t make a sound
Lest it disturb the balance of the universe.
How days floated by one after the other.
How she could never float for she was anchored in pain.
But no one ever noticed.

No one ever noticed.
How she made the funniest jokes about herself.
How she wove an elaborate method of self harm which concealed her agony and congealed her blood.
She wasn’t funny.
But her words made people laugh ‘at’ her ‘with’ her.
The words were a reflection of what she actually saw herself as.
But no one ever noticed.

No one ever noticed.
How the smiles were a facade
A mask she wore to comfortably hide behind.
For even burdening someone with her grief was a sin.
The smiles were plastered, didn’t come from within.
How the bags under her eyes contained tears and sleepless nights.
But no one ever noticed.

No one ever noticed.
Nor did she.
How the demons always tailed her.
Like shadows chase dusk.
Waiting to plunge her within their bottomless depths.
Till no one could hear even if she made a sound.
But no one ever noticed.

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No one ever noticed
How she entertained thoughts of death.
For she wasn’t scared of dying.
But she was scared of living.
Of passing another day with this gloom in her heart and the demons in her mind.
For death promised the only solution to her endless misery.
As it wrapped her in its arms and she finally felt at peace again.
But no one ever noticed.

If only someone had stared hard enough.
If only someone had seen
behind the fog, beneath the mask.
What she was, and what she had been.
But no one ever noticed.
Untill it was too late.
Untill it was too obvious.
Untill there was nothing left to see.

– Fictionatrix

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34 thoughts on “No one ever noticed. . .

    1. The fact that you want to, means the world to me. And is very comforting as well. πŸ™‚ I cannot disclose such details to my family, I just keep hoping that one day they would notice it themselves.

      Liked by 2 people

    1. I agree. I don’t know what their reasons are, but sometimes if somone sees through it seems like a blessing. For the hardest part is explaining the existence of something that people don’t (want to) see.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Reading this poem made it so obvious that you’ve experienced so many of the same emotions as I have, however I never would have been able to weave together a piece of art so beautifully. You really made me feel everything with every word. The part about burdening others with your grief really resonated with me as I tried for so long to fight everything alone, but it just gets so hard
    Stay strong and take care xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thankyou. The biggest achievement for me as a writer is that my reader can connect with what I wish to say. I am glad that I have managed to strike a chord somewhere. We often think of ourselves as burdens on planet Earth, hence we never are worthy of anything and thus cannot share our grief. The battles we fight with ourselves are very lonely. I wish you all the very best. And always remember that you aren’t alone. May you derive strength from these experiences and solace in words. Take care! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  2. A lovely poem, beautifully written. I have also had (and still have on a bad day) thoughts and feelings just as you depict them here. Know that you are not alone either. πŸ™‚ *Hugs.*

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Your comment made my day. I have realised the more honest I try to be, the more my work resonates with people. It is the love and encouragement I get from dear fellow bloggers that keep me going. Thankyou and a great day to you as well! :’)

      Liked by 1 person

  3. No one noticed… Until it was too late…
    Please don’t die…. I’m writing this to you with eyes full of tears and a broken heart of a mother whose son went through the same pain and left this world coz no one noticed. Please ask your loved ones to notice… Coz otherwise they will be dieng with guilt and regret every moment that they live.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I feel you pain. and I am sorry for your loss. It is the love of my parents and loved ones which keeps me growing and keeps me going. I cannot make them notice as I live miles away, and there are other important issues plaguing them. But I aim to tell them the truth this year. I will never let them feel guilty for my condition. It wasn’t their fault. They did the best they could. Please take care of yourself. You son is in a happier place now, may his soul rest in peace. Take care and thankyou for your kind words. :’)

      Liked by 1 person

  4. No one noticed… Until it was too late…
    I’m writing this to you with eyes full of tears and a broken heart of a mother whose son went through the same pain and left this world coz no one noticed. Please ask your loved ones to notice… Coz otherwise they will be dieng with guilt and regret every moment that they live.

    Liked by 1 person

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