Not ”Crazy” Enough

Thats the "Scream" btw

Some of the most famous and innovative minds of our world have been the ones whose minds have betrayed them. In the sense that they fought great battles within themselves and yet achieved great heights. The recent death of Mathematician John Nash who was the subject of the wonderful movie ‘Its a beautiful mind’ got me thinking further on this path.

I have seen a lot of TEDx videos, read a lot of self help books. They all say that we should –
Turn the pain that drowns us into something that drives us.

They talk about positive re-inforcement. They talk about agressive optimism. But none of them actually underline -How.

They all say that one should channel their pains differently, that one should believe in themselves, that all of us are capable of greatness. Yada Yada Yada.


A deeper look into the lives of such depressed people (who are famous now) shows that almost all of them didn’t have that sense of self belief.
How did they succeed you ask me.
Mental illnesses like depression incapacitate our cognitive functions.
They don’t let us be spontaneous, or take risks. We tend to create a bubble of bubble wrap around ourselves. And truthfully so, we often need that to fall back onto.
But these people.
They never stopped.

They used their passions as a get away. They kept going, untill they had nothing left in them to give. And it is because of their sacred immersion into their work that they could achieve heights like no other could.

That sense of melancholy (depression was known as melancholy for centuries) led to tragic yet beautiful discoveries. Led to amazing feats, led to world changing moments in time.

Van Gogh wrote series of letters to his brother, highlighting his insecurities and despair. If only he knew how much his work would be appreciated for years to come.

We tend to disassociate ourselves with our pains. I am guilty of the same- I often refer to my depressive state as ‘it’ as an inanimate strange object that seems to possess me from time to time. However, isn’t our depression, our pain as much a part of us as other aspects of our life?

Ludvig Van Beethoven wrote some of his most famous pieces during periods of hightened mood swings and euphoria.
Van Gogh painted his pieces during such dire times too. Winston Churchill, Abraham Lincoln, Isaac Newton. The list can go on.

I am not here to pressurise one in such a state to strive to achieve greatness. All I am trying to say is, that we are as much capable of doing so, despite our short comings. Something, which we need to be reminded of from time to time.

The euphemism "Black Dog" popularly used for depression was made popular by Winston Churchill

Reading about such lives makes me think that I am crazy but perhaps I am not ”crazy” enough. The days and times they lived in were different. While they immersed themselves in their work, I tend to immerse myself in re-runs of tv series and drown my self in comfort food. I may not be made for such great feats. But as long as I can wake up everyday and go about my basic duties and responsibilities I will be happy.
For now, a mediocre existence seems good enough.
So does a bed for Ice-cream.

What do you think? Am I over analysing?

– Fictionatrix


47 thoughts on “Not ”Crazy” Enough

  1. I know what you mean about not thinking you’re ‘crazy enough’ – I’ve had that thought myself many times before. I’ve never heard anyone else put it into words though, so thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well I am glad I am not the only one who thinks of these things!
      I try putting my bizarre thoughts into words precisely to see where others stand on similar things. Being crazy becomes lonesome. πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hey is your blog self hosted one? If that is self hosted then please tell me the details of that host if you have some time. Because I am really confused…


      2. Well… You are correct but we can’t use thousands of plugins(apps) out there. And to add Google Adsense we need to have a self hosted .org domain. Simply not self hoster,,, it is like having a smartphone which doesn’t support to download apps.😜😜…


  2. Really thanx for this blog. It helped me alot.. because i always struggle with myself. i mean ahhh..dunno how to descrube..juz want to tysm πŸ˜ŠπŸ™

    Liked by 1 person

      1. it did and saved it my evernote when i feel down i can read it again 😊..because m working on apps( well on 5 apps ).. peeps saying that you can’t do..and my dream is so big that even i feel confused about myself.. this helped me alot..tysm again

        Liked by 1 person

  3. The post provoked interesting thoughts (and not just in me either, a lot of commenters here!), but I have to point out two things.
    Firstly, Churchill only popularised the phrase ‘Black Dog’. It came about around 1870.
    Secondly, the preacher of my church at the time (1880’s) suffered from depression and referred to the term. Interestingly enough, Vincent Van Gogh went to see him preach in London. The preachers name is Charles Spurgeon if you’re interested. He wrote a good many books and has several wonderful quotes that you can find floating around!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I shall correct my error. I found out-it was Samuel Johnson who first used the term.

      And yes, that sounds interesting, I shall look into it. Van Gogh Died on my birthday, and we share similar issues, hence he intrigues me. πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

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