Little Secret #6 – Anxiety

Anxiety is the uninvited guest that depression brings to the party, which you are coerced to attend.

I have always been an artist. However the past two years I have done nothing. The monster in my head keeps me from enjoying the things I love the most.
It was a cycle of hate I couldn’t escape.

The past few weeks have been quite an anxious time for me. I was crippled by insomnia and couldnt function like a proper human. I was always on the edge, waiting to explode.
I tried a multitude of things to help me cope, but all failed.

Then finally, out of curiosity, I took out an old sketch book that had been lying unused.

Sketching after such a long time made me even more anxious. I kept telling myself that it will look horrible and that I am doing nothing but just wasting more time. I tore about 5 sheets after mere incoherent scribbling.

However, once I started, I couldnt stop. I guess, the first step is the hardest.

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The past few nights I have been sketching everytime before I go to sleep. Now it hasn’t actually benefitted my sleep schedule, however it does give me a little sense of satisfaction.

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As you can see, I started small. Since I had so much trouble at starting.
With a simple feather.
I have a certain unexplainable fascination with feathers.(More on that later)
Then I progressed slowly to making things that may take more energy and effort.

It has been a challenge to revive my cognitive interests. Reviving my muscle memory. I hope I can stick to this plan.

Because my art supplies have been eating dust. Its a shame how at one time I wanted to make a career in fine arts. And today mere doodling is a challenge.

But I will keep swimming.
And try to attain a sense of balance.
Like the yin and yang I just drew.

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What do you do to sleep at night?
Have any of your dear interests and hobbies been affected by mental illnesses?
Any tips for curing my insomnia?
All ideas are welcome.



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11 thoughts on “Little Secret #6 – Anxiety

  1. I hope you stick to your routine because your drawings are really good. I love the yin and yang drawing! Personally when I can’t sleep I meditate and listen to the sounds of ocean waves. Reading also helps me sleep.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I do meditate, but it hasn’t cured my sleeping issue. Waves sound interesting, I will give a go one night.
      Reading makes me excited to read more. 😛
      Take care. and Thankyou.
      I am hoping this malady, leads to some improvement somewhere. I shall try to stick to the plan. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

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