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A new beginningĀ 

It’s been a while since I have posted something here. 2016 for most of us has been a tough year. As a planet, as a people we have endured a lot this past year. And thus I too was busy tying up lose ends. Now finally I have managed to carve out some space for myself and thus the blog. 

Here is wishing you a great year ahead. Now I know it’s February, but can’t we wish a new year atleast till April, I think we can. šŸ˜› 

This picture was taken from my balcony a few days ago as I was enjoying the winter sunset. 

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To the love that never was. #Ramblings 2Ā 

I was at a very low time in my life. You came in like a ray of sunshine and my dark dull gloomy days were taken aback. 

Before I could fathom, comprehend, react and resist, as I always do, I had become comfortable in the warmth that I didnt want to close the door. 

This time will be different, I told my wounded heart.This time feels different.

And so it did. Or so I thought.

We spent hours in a conversation that never ended. 

You were the one who made me fall for your voice.

You were the one who made me see the stars in rain.

You were the one who made me forget my pain.

You were the one, who left.

No, I didn’t love you. It feels wrong to say that I did, or do, because now you are somewhere else with someone else. 

No I didn’t love you, not fully, not completely atleast.

But I loved you enough to be devasted by the end of our tryst.

No it wasn’t love, was there even affection, I question now. Was it just me, or was there a bit of you too?

I am not certain, nor will I ever ask.

And even if there was, I am sure it was your mask.

For you, my darling who, became the sunshine that brings the rain.

I didn’t want this to be the same. 

Again. 

Listen – Little Poem # 39

Hussshhh!
Don’t speak!

Lets just listen to the wind.
Can’t you hear the leaves screaming?
-fx

When your mind is occupied by the dark clouds, even the most mundane things (to others) can feel like thunder storms to you.
I was listening to the leaves “rustling” when this came to mind.
Sounds a bit dark, but thats how this mind works, I cannot quite control it, but I work with it.
So far so good.
Have a great day!

Sensitive Heart

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To the people who mess with a sensitive heart.

Don’t.

You make promises, build bridges and scale walls around a guarded heart.
Then you warm the heart, melt down its defences, tell it tales and comfort it in its sorrows.

You make it feel sure of the world, make it believe in sunny days and rainbows.
You make it believe in love, and fall in love.

You make it feel safe.

Now you may go around, find someone new.
Because we all know love these is short lived and never true.

But a sensitive heart doesn’t;
because you made it hope for a forever.
You showed it fairytales but yourself turned into a nightmare.

Don’t mess with a sensitive heart.

For you may forget, but it won’t forgive.

For those walls will come up again from the pieces of that broken heart, there will be moats filled with tears and monsters from sleepless nights will guard whatever little is left.

And you may call it an affair and move on.
But its not fair.
Because you may love plenty, but a sensitive heart may never love again.

Do Not Rest in Peace, Jisha: Shehla Rashid

KAFILA - 10 years of a common journey

Guest Post by Shehla Rashid

(Pictures by Biju Ibrahim)

Dear Jisha, I never knew you, nor did you know me.

You were probably a ā€œusualā€ student, pursuing your studies, dreaming of a better future for yourself and your country. You were probably someone like Rohith Vemula, who dreamed of stars and skies. I learnt that you were a Law student, but I regret to tell you that the Law of this country fails us miserably.

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It is because a Bhanwari Devi does not get justice that Bhagana happens. Itā€™s because no one in Bhagana gets justice that a Delta Meghwal happens. It is because a Delta Meghwal does not get justice that a Jisha happens. And most painfully, I can predict that you may not get justice either.

This is because the Law that you studied is not the law that actually runs this country- this country runsā€¦

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As the clock ticks by…

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As the clock ticks by, minutes till the new year begins. I cannot help but get teary eyed.

This year, 2015 was the last year my precious Bruni baby was with me.
I can feel time slip away through my fingers and I dont know what to do. While everyone around me is partying the year away, I cannot seem to part with it.

After 12:00, the new year that this begins would be a year without my sweetheart. And that realisation is pinching me. Every year henceforth he would be a memory, in this readily passing year, he was a alive.

I wish I could reverse the time back, I wish I didnt have to begin another year of my life, a new chapter without those sloppy kisses and wagging tail.

The love his eyes had for me is something beyond words. It is unexpressable. The kind of feeling which is soul stirring and life changing.

I know I need to accept the reality and learn to let go. But in my heart the 12 year old who received the world’s best gift cannot accept that her companion is no more. If only time could pause, so that I could hold onto those paws, atleast one last time.Ā 

Wishing all of you a lovely and Happy New Year. May God bless you, and may you achieve all that you aspire for.