the cycle of love

Love- its a four letter word. A word, a feeling a phenomenon.
It meaning, contested by many, the feeling wanted by all.
Our world could always do,with a bit more of love.
It has the power to drive us, it brings out the best in us, and fortunate are the one’s whose love lasts.
Because when love leaves you, everything turns dark. It breaks you into a million pieces, each piece crying in pain, each memory stings, burning a hole right through you. From the first tear that waters your eyes to the last one which dries your store. Love is the most painful way of committing suicide, killing you with each moment.

When you are young, love is an adventure,you see people around who are in love. Relatives, parents, fictional characters, movie stars.
You see their love, their relationships, and it excites you to find a soul mate for yourselves. You string up theories, dream about what your perfect person would look like, the things you would do with them.
And for the fortunate among us, the day dreams come alive.
In the blur of this fast moving life,you meet that one person, the one person that makes your heart beat faster. You form an instant connection.
Talking to them for the first time and it feels as you have known them for years,for ages, for past lives. Everything about them makes you happy, enchanted.
You notice things around you, clearly. Hear birds chirping, hear violins, I bet you could even smell roses.  You feel good about yourself. Look forward to life. The world becomes your motion picture, and you are the center of the Universe. You sing,dance and jump with joy. Most of all, you wish to share every moment of life with them. From little jokes, to movie dates and dinners. You meet their family they meet yours, and sooner than you think they are a part of your existence. You smell like them, you look like them, you eat the things they like. You become entwined in each others joys sorrows, laughter, life.

you grow onto each other,
If you are fortunate, your love will last 20, 30, 50 years and beyond. Till you are a lovable old couple sipping tea at a porch, with grandchildren running around. Till you are resting in peace,graves side by side. Sometimes,one of you may die.  Be it an accident, or old age, or disease, but would die being loved by someone and have someone to love in return.
But for some of us, not that fortunate, love may not last. It is difficult to pin point that exact moment,when it ends.
It is not as momentous as the moment its starts, it dies slowly, fades away like mist. Little things about them irk you. The way the talk annoys you. you do not have stories to share. the conversation doesn’t last. You can’t bear too see them nor see yourself. You scream and shout and pierce the walls that you once built together. The warmth of love replaced by a bone piercing cold. The kind of cold that sweaters and blankets cannot cure because it is the coldness of your heart. The laughter and chatter replaced long impregnable silences. Birds don’t chirp anymore, you hear no violins. You see your dream shatter in front of you. what remains now is the shadow of what life used to be. Love does that people, it build you up, it takes up all your energy, and when it leaves, it leaves you broken shattered.
It is difficult to bear the heartache, you cannot write it down or sing it out or drown it with spirits. It affects everything you do. Funny how a tiny chemical reaction in your mind can change your life. One of you the stronger one would try to rebuild it try to hold on, but you both would loose all hope and it just ends. It starts with such ceremony and ends with such silence.
You’re left to your own devices. All alone, even your shadow seems aloof. Tears cannot give company, you want to scream on top of your lungs but there is no sound. You begin to hate your own silence, you cant eat you cant sleep you cannot stop thinking about how life was. Was it all a dream, or is this a horrible nightmare.

Slowly you begin to live your life again, as humans it is imperative for us to keep moving in the race of life. Then comes the longing, not for that person, but just for anyone. Someone who could bandage the damage. But you are fearful, the wounds of your past remind you. you begin to shun away. As soon as you form a close human contact, you push them away. Before they get a chance to hurt you, you think it best for yourself to be left alone, you like being alone, it is the lonely that bothers.
It bothers oh so much. You cant bear it. Your loneliness is a result of your doings. But you cannot undo it. Because you programmed yourself that way. It is difficult going back. It is difficult moving ahead. You are stuck in this tunnel that keeps going and going and has no end. You are like a desert, devoid of all moisture, dry hard with wounds and cracks strewn all over you.

And your heart is so into its self wallowing in self pity, that it doesn’t realize when someone makes a tiny little niche in its self. You don’t realize it at first. but then that person spreads warmth inside your heart.
Slowly,steadily and then all at once. While you are battling your fears, trying to build defenses and doors to shun them out. They dig burrows and open windows to let themselves in. While you try to pick up your broken pieces, and hide them away. They discover your broken pieces and build a beautiful mosaic out of you. So different from how you see things,that it startles you.

And thus begins a new cycle of love.
If you are fortunate, you will stay in love. If not,you may not.
But the heart is a warrior, and it wouldn’t rest. Even if it does, someone would come and shake up your senses, wake up your heat.So open up,  don’t be scared to fall in love.
It is sad when your love dies or you don’t get love in return,be grateful because you got to experience it, so what if it was short lived.
Because it is sadder, if you never get to feel love at all.